It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
