I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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