He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
