how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
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