im about as happy as oj after his trial
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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