Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
