apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
