Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
from now on my penis is your penis
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
