just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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