Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
