I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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