I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize