just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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