Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
