so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
