I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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