You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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