is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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