good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
