I don't usually arrange sex via text message
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
