jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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