New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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