I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
