Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I feel great
I just peed on a car
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize