She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My vagina is officially offended.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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