I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
