I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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