i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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