This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
