I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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