I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
