after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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