I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just pee around me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
