I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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