Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
She is in my trunk
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
