Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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