Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
