in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
