hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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