the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
