Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
