Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she told me i tasted like america
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize