is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
