i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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