At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
