the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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