I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
whose parrot is this?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
