is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
