Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
