why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
