he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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