What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
