There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
