What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
