Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
im holly from the hills drunk
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
