You smell like a Billy Joel song
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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