I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
