We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
