Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
